


-30-

by HYPERFocused



Category: Smallville
Genre: Established Relationship, Futurefic, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-24
Updated: 2007-02-24
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:25:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/pseuds/HYPERFocused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A slow winter's day at The Daily Planet. Lex talks dirty, and Lois talks crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	-30-

## -30-

by HYPERFocused

<http://hyperfocused.livejournal.com>

* * *

There were thirty more minutes minimum until Clark could leave work for the day, and he wasn't sure he was going to make it. It was the slowest Friday he could remember. 

He wasn't sure who to blame more. Perry, for assigning him the most boring story ever in the long and illustrious history of The Daily Planet, or Lex, who had been torturing him slowly, from a distance, by whispering incredibly dirty things to him in a voice only he could hear. That he did this while they were both supposed to be working -- Lex on a contract at LexCorp, and Clark in full view at a public meeting -- was entirely too cruel. 

Sometimes Clark hated his Superhearing, almost as much as he hated it when his powers couldn't help him out of a jam, for example, by making a Metropolis City Council meeting endurable, or letting time itself superspeed so he could go home. 

4:30 on a Friday afternoon, and he was stuck. The meeting was completely dull, except for the few minutes of name-calling and the tossing of a glass of water over some issue Clark couldn't imagine being that passionate over. 

Admittedly, he'd been distracted by Lex, who had gone from telling Clark about the plans he had for them later, "First we'll wrap the gifts for your family, then I'll unwrap you and maybe use the rest of the satin ribbon to tie you to the bed..." to taking matters into his own hand. "You know I'm not a patient man, Clark. So I'm just going to have to take care of things myself. I know you're listening, though." 

How could he not listen, after that? And how could he not fudge a little, and slip out of the meeting for a very fast session with his own hand. If he could have, he'd have gone to LexCorp himself, but then he'd never have left. He'd just have to tell Lex what he had done, later. He left Lex a quick voice mail. "I hate you. You'd better be ready and waiting when I get home." 

It was 5:30 when he made it back to the Planet to file the story, the meeting having run long, despite the upcoming holiday. Lois was still there. It wasn't a good sign. 

"Today's the day I'm going to earn my Pulitzer prize. If you're quick, you can put your little red pen to work, and de-typo my sparkling prose." Lois sat on the corner of Clark's desk , a smug smile on her face, legs swinging, and one high heeled shoe (completely inappropriate for a proper work atmosphere) dangling haphazardly from her pointed foot. 

"What is it this time?" Clark sighed. It was going to be a very long day, apparently. "And I don't think 'de-typoed' is a word." 

"Well, that's all the more reason I need you." Lois confirmed. 

"To pick up your slack? Sometimes I wonder if Perry just hired me to babysit you." 

"Hey, I'm not the one who begs out of boring assignments so he can run out for a quickie with his billionaire boyfriend." 

"Husband, Lois. Lex and I are married. You know that; you were at the wedding. Anyway, I've never stepped out just to have sex with Lex'. He hadn't, though sometimes it was a little perk of answering the call to duty. He considered it a well deserved reward, and besides he always felt better after he showered after a particularly gory situation. He might as well do that at home. "I covered the council meeting, didn't I? Believe me, I can handle 'boring'." 

"Whatever, Smallville. All I know if, you're nowhere to be found, half of the time." 

Clark had no answer for that, or at least none he was willing to give her. "What's this great story you want me to proof?" 

"I have singlehandedly solved the two biggest non-bird flying creature mysteries with one stone." 

"That is the worst metaphor mixing I've ever heard. What are you talking about?" 

"I know Superman's true identity." Speaking of birds, Lois looked like the cat who'd swallowed the canary. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Had Chloe... no, she wouldn't rat him out, Clark was sure of that. 

"You do, do you? I'm all ears." 

"Yep, and you can thank me for my brilliance later, I do." God, she was going to milk it for all it was worth. 

"Are you going to tell me, or not? It's not like I don't have better things to do than listen to your insane theories." Maybe if he went on the offensive, she'd get distracted and change the subject. 

"You like to take the drama out of everything, don't you, Smallville. This could be one of those moments that'll win an Oscar for whoever plays me in The Lois Lane story. I'm thinking Angelina Jolie, if she isn't too old by then, or maybe Suri Cruise, if it turns out she can act." 

Clark just rolled his eyes. "Lois..." 

"Fine. Santa Claus." 

"What about Santa Claus? I thought we were talking about Superman." Clark was throughly confused. But then he could have kicked himself for bringing up the dreaded topic himself, again. 

"I am. I was. They're the same person." 

Clark laughed, relieved. "That's ridiculous. Santa's an idea. He's not a real person." 

"I don't know about that. People didn't believe Superman existed either, until I managed to get that interview. So now I'll just have to do the same for Santa." 

"Yeah, good luck landing that one." 

"I know. He's busy. But business should go way down after the holiday. Then he'll just have the usual superhero stuff to handle. I'm sure he'll have time for me then. He's got a little crush on me, you know." 

"I think it's the other way around, Lois. It's kind of cute, though. Anyway, I still don't get why you think they're the same person." 

"It's simple. He's Superman 364 days of the year, flying around in his red cape. The other day he turns it into his Santa suit. Both operations are based in the North Pole. The elves are really part of the alien artificial intelligence." 

"How do you explain the visual differences? Santa and Superman look nothing alike." 

"Well, Santa is fat because he needs the stored energy to deliver all those toys. Maybe he goes in and out of some alternate universe, so it's not like one night for him. He'd use it all up, and then be back to his old, buff self." 

"That's an interesting idea, but it still doesn't make sense. Santa has been around for a lot longer than Superman." 

"No, I think Santa just had better press, until I came along. Maybe we needed him more, then. Now we need crime fighting and disaster help more." 

That actually did make sense, even if it had no relation to the truth. "So how do you intend to research this theory?" 

"I figured you'd get your pal Superman to grant another interview, and I'd use my considerable feminine wiles to convince his Old St. Nick persona to do the same." 

"You'll have to do it without me. I've got a tree to help decorate, and I'm sure Superman's got enough on his plate." Clark hit 'save' on his story, and sent it on for it's final edit, then gathered his belongings. It was almost six, and Lex had promised to be home early. "I'm going to head out, now. Good luck selling your fairy-tale to Perry." 

"Thanks a lot, Scrooge." Lois said it without much heat. "I'll work on the story myself. See if I share the glory, then." 

"We'll see you in Smallville for Christmas dinner, right? Chloe and Jimmy will be there." 

"I wouldn't miss it. Seeya, Smallville." 

He made it home at seven. "You're late. I had to start without you." Lex murmured, pulling him in close as Clark walked into the penthouse. He pointed at the two story Douglas Fir. 

"Looks like you've done a good job so far." Clark looked at the tree, where Lex had placed his old Warrior Angel ornaments. It was so good to be home, all thoughts of revenge, on Lois or Lex went out the window as he felt Lex's warm, sinewy strength as Lex held him. "God, I've missed you." 

"Me too, you." 

"I know. You almost ruined my suit. There I was, bored, covering another city council meeting, and you were so fucking sexy. I wanted to touch you, but all I could do was rush off to the bathroom and touch myself." 

"I was hoping you'd have that reaction." Lex took his hand, and walked him into their bedroom. 

"You are completely evil" Clark told him, laughing as they undressed. 

"You say that now, but you haven't seen the best of my decorating skills." Lex slipped off his pants, and there Clark could see the sprig of mistletoe he'd duct taped to his boxer-briefs. 

"I take it back. You're completely mental." 

"The holidays make everybody crazy, and I'm crazy about you. Now how about following the rules of the mistletoe?" 

"Anything to liven up a slow news day." 


End file.
